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And in the very unlikely event that some random person did find out – why on earth would they try and have us arrested or taken to court? Because they hated us? Police hardly go out searching for this kind of thing. I am now legaly an adult and Maya is close behind me, so we won’t have to wait much longer. Despite her initial reaction, Maya’s shock and outrage seem to have been assuaged by my assurances that the only legal information I have found has been hypothetical – technicaly, yes, a couple accused of incest could face a jail sentence, but that would rarely happen in the case of two consenting adults. The topic only resurfaces briefly the folowing day before being dropped completely. I have thoroughly searched for online testimonies but found only two that had actualy made it into the public domain – neither of them in the UK and both between siblings who met again as adults after being separated at birth. There is actualy precious little information to be found on consensual incest, though there is plenty on the non-consensual kind, which seems to be the only type most people think exists. Before sleep overcame us, however, Maya wanted to know further details: what kind of sentence we could face, whether the law was different in other countries – but I could only repeat the little I had gleaned from my closet scouring of the Internet. Thankfuly we were too exhausted to talk about it much more that night. He breathes: ‘If we were found out, we’d be sent to prison.’ His face radiates a mixture of fear and despair. If it weren’t for the stricken expression in his eyes, he would look quite comical, his hair al on end. Half propped up against the headboard, Lochan stares at me. Why is Lochan trying to freak me out like this? Why is he acting so serious, as if we would be committing a real crime? ‘And anyway, if we did somehow get caught, what the hel would the police do? Fine us?’ I let out a harsh laugh. It’s not like we’re hurting anyone or even ourselves!’ I feel like I’m running out of breath but I’m determined to make my point. Anyway, how would the police even notice and why would they even care – ‘But pot’s ilegal, so is speeding, so is peeing in a public place. ‘I knew it was officially ilegal,’ I tel him desperately. ‘It just means that we can’t until the kids are grown up and safe, and even then we have to be very, very careful.’ ‘No, no, not necessarily,’ he says quickly. ’ Lochan is puling himself up against the headboard, struggling to find words to reassure me. I sit up abruptly, hair faling down around my face. I am finding it difficult to breathe suddenly, as if my windpipe is constricting. ‘Caught living together?’ I ask incredulously. ‘To see what would happen if we got caught.’ He rubs his lip, refusing to meet my gaze, looking increasingly agitated and uncomfortable. ‘To figure out a way of changing our names? Of living together?’ ’ He takes a deep breath before trying again. ‘I – I did a bit of research on the Internet. He hesitates for a moment, then rols back over to face me. ‘When you said there’s not much info on it, what did you mean? How do you know?’ ’ I rol onto my side and run my fingers down his bare arm. But when I turn my head on the pilow to check, I see his eyes are wide open, staring up at the ceiling, bright and intense.

So long, in fact, that I begin to think Lochie has falen asleep. But there’s not much info on it, because apparently it’s something that very, very rarely happens. ‘What if it’s one hundred percent consensual, like us?’ ‘But what about if no one’s being abused?’ I ask suddenly. But at the same time I’m aware that I’m guilty of the same prejudices – if I hear there’s been a rape, or a child’s been abducted, I immediately think male rapist, male paedophile. I curl my legs up against Lochan’s stomach and ruminate on this for a while.

So it’s not realy al that surprising that in situations like this, guys are automaticaly assumed to be the abusers, especialy if they’re older.’ For a start, there’s the physical aspect. ‘I agree, but people rely heavily on generalizations, and although it must sometimes happen the other way round, it’s gotta be pretty rare. ‘Unless there was some realy strong evidence to the contrary – an admission of guilt on your part, witnesses or something – then, yes.’ Lochan nods slowly, his shaggy hair dark against the pilow.

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